Health

So this is a sore subject for me (pun intended). I feel as though my health is a never-ending battle and I can never tell whether I will be OK from one day to the next. It's depressing, it's frustrating and it is not getting any better.

So a bit of background - I have a condition that has not been formally diagnosed by a doctor because they are still investigating, but judging by the same illness in my father, it is Dercum's Disease (Adiposis Dolorosa). This is characterised by many painful fatty lipomas and angiolipomas all over the body, especially in the abdomen, thighs, arms and back. They are extremely painful to touch, and I have 60+ of them at the age of 25.

They also cause other complications such as Arthritis, immune suppression and mental health issues due to pain. So here's a run-down:

• I have suspected arthritis in my hip, hands and knees.
• I have a suppressed immune system - very low iron, folic acid, vitamin D & B12.
• I have sciatic nerve pain and numbness in extremities.
• I have constant headaches/eyesight trouble through side effects and stress.
• I suffer with anxiety and depression.
• Each lipoma is painful and tender - I am acutely aware of every single one.

Now - the pain can be mostly treated, I take medication which helps take the edge off. The mental side of it is much worse, as I know it's getting worse and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I try to look after myself as best I can, but I am limited with exercise and the depression messes with my ability to diet and then I feel worse about myself... it's a vicious cycle.

The anxiety comes from feeling like a burden, being stressed that I am always sick and therefore making myself worse, and feeling like I cannot do the things that other people my age or older can do. I don't want to be a burden, I cannot walk long distances and I avoid situations where I might ruin someone else's night if they have to help me with anything. I know that I am not a burden and none of the people who love me feel that way, but it is a constant thought - that's anxiety for you!


However - after all said and done, there really is nothing I can do about it. I see doctors in several fields, I take my medication and I try to look after myself all while holding down a full-time job - I don't want to take disability benefits because I will be bored, and I have to be active while I can. I refuse to let it beat me because I am stronger than it. I am stronger than the illnesses that try to beat me down, and I can do this. I have to enjoy what I have while it is still here - because I know I will be much worse in only a couple of decades.

Life is short, and my mobility is precious to me so I am keeping it. I urge anyone else with illnesses or disabilities not to give up on themselves, and not to let it beat you until you are too weak to fight back any longer.

We got this.